We all want that flutter of excitement when a conversation on a first date clicks—but sometimes the things a person says tell us more than any dating-app bio ever could.
Over the years (and more bowls of share-worthy guacamole than I can count), I’ve noticed certain phrases that light up my internal “exit now” sign.
If someone you’re just getting to know drops any of the ten lines below, it’s usually best to slide the check across the table, wish them well, and jog—not stroll—to the door.
1. “My ex was totally crazy.”
When a date paints every past partner as unhinged, villainous, or irrational, they’re volunteering two key pieces of information:
I’m not saying exes are never difficult, but healthy people can describe previous relationships with nuance, accountability, and a dash of empathy.
Blame-heavy storytelling is a preview of future finger-pointing.
2. “Therapy is for people who can’t handle life.”
Dismissive comments about mental-health care reveal rigid thinking and poor emotional literacy.
If someone proudly rejects introspection, guess who’s going to bear the brunt of their unresolved stuff?
(Hint: the person sitting across the table nibbling fries—you.)
3. “Everyone at work is out to get me.”
Listen for chronic victimhood.
Sure, toxic workplaces exist, but if every boss is “incompetent,” every teammate “lazy,” and every project “sabotaged,” the common denominator isn’t the coworkers.
Long-term, you’ll likely become the next villain in their never-ending saga.
4. “I never tip—those jobs aren’t real careers.”
A date who disrespects service staff is handing you a neon billboard flashing the word contempt.
Relationship researcher Dr. John Gottman notes that contempt is the single greatest predictor of divorce because it devalues the other person’s humanity.
If someone can dismiss a waiter, they can eventually dismiss you.
5. “Let’s skip the condom—I’m clean.”
Pressuring you to ignore safe-sex boundaries shows entitlement and a lack of respect for your health.
A partner who truly values connection also values consent and precaution.
6. “I forgot my wallet—can you grab this?”
It’s not about who pays; it’s about how the situation is handled.
“I’ll Venmo you as soon as we leave” is very different from a shrug and radio silence.
Early financial freeloading often foreshadows larger imbalances down the road.
7. “Women/men are just too sensitive these days.”
Sweeping generalizations steeped in sexism (or racism, homophobia, ableism—you name it) reveal a worldview that’s likely to flatten your individuality as well.
Date someone who’s curious about people, not resentful of entire groups.
8. “I’m looking for something ‘low effort’—no drama, no labels.”
If casual fun aligns with your goals, great.
But when you’re seeking commitment, a pre-emptive disclaimer that they “don’t do complications” is code for: “I want the perks of intimacy without the responsibility.”
Believe them, and keep moving.
9. “Conspiracy theories are the real truth—everyone else is brainwashed.”
Healthy skepticism is attractive; obsessive mistrust is not.
Extreme conspiratorial thinking can bleed into relationships as jealousy, rigid control, and an inability to compromise—because any disagreement feels like proof you’re part of the “enemy.”
10. “I track my ex on social media—gotta make sure they’re okay.”
Obsession masquerading as concern is still obsession.
Boundary breaches today (digital stalking) can morph into controlling behaviors tomorrow.
As cultural critic Bell Hooks reminds us, “abuse and neglect cannot coexist with love.” True care respects autonomy.
Communication expert Dr. Lillian Glass defines a toxic relationship as one “where there’s disrespect and a lack of unity.”
If a first date casually signals those dynamics, you have actionable intel to opt-out early.
Final thoughts
Dating is equal parts discovery and discernment.
The goal isn’t to interrogate every sentence for hidden doom but to trust your gut when someone’s words clash with your core values.
Catching red flags at appetizer time saves heartaches (and movers’ fees) later on.
So the next time a date drops a line that feels off, remember: your peace of mind is worth more than courtesy laughs over dessert.
Stand up, wish them the best, and run—straight toward relationships built on mutual respect, curiosity, and genuine care.
