3 Steps to Mastering Supercommunication from a Psychologist

Most of the struggles we face in relationships—whether personal or professional—stem from one core issue: communication. We often assume that talking more will fix problems, but the truth is, many of us unknowingly enter conversations with the wrong approach, leading to frustration, conflict, or emotional disconnection.

We’ve all experienced moments where a conversation takes an unexpected turn—what started as a simple discussion turns into an argument, or an attempt to connect leaves one person feeling unheard.

Often, this is not because of hostile intentions but because of a mismatch in how we communicate. Small shifts in awareness can make all the difference in how well we navigate conversations, helping us feel more understood and improving our relationships.

In the 2024 book Supercommunicators: How to Unlock the Secret Language of Connection, Charles Duhigg explores how the most effective communicators don’t just talk—they listen, adapt, and respond with intention. They recognize the deeper dynamics at play in every conversation and adjust their approach accordingly.

By understanding the patterns that shape communication, you can create more meaningful connections, avoid common pitfalls, and become someone who truly knows how to engage with others.

Here are three ways to become a supercommunicator.

1. Recognize The Kind Of Conversation You’re Having

One of the biggest reasons for communication breakdowns is that people enter conversations with different expectations. For instance, you might be speaking from an emotional perspective while addressing a challenge you’re facing and looking for emotional validation, while the other person responds with logic and problem-solving. These mismatches can disrupt the flow of communication and impact your chance to deepen the connection.

A 2022 study published in Current Opinion in Psychology introduced a new framework called the “Conversational Circumplex,” which is designed to help understand the different motives behind conversations.

Researchers highlight that in order to determine whether a conversation is successful, we first need to know what each person hopes to achieve from the interaction. The framework aims to provide a structured method to analyze conversational motives, making it a valuable tool for both academic research and practical use in real-world conversations.

The conversational circumplex organizes these goals along two key dimensions:

1. Informational. This refers to how much the conversation is focused on sharing or receiving accurate information, which includes,

• High informational intent. People want to exchange useful information (e.g., asking questions, giving directions, making decisions).
• Low informational intent. The goal isn’t about accurate information (e.g., making small talk, avoiding awkwardness, telling jokes).

2. Relational. This refers to how much the conversation is focused on building emotional connections.

• High relational intent. The goal is to strengthen relationships (e.g., showing support, apologizing, expressing care).
• Low relational intent. The focus is more on individual needs than relationship-building (e.g., asserting dominance, avoiding deep engagement).

To improve communication, try asking yourself:

1. Is this about solving a problem? (Practical Conversation)
2. Do I need emotional support or validation? (Emotional Conversation)
3. Am I trying to bond, lighten the mood or maintain a relationship? (Social Conversation)

By tuning into what kind of conversation you’re having, you can adjust your response to match the other person’s needs—or guide the conversation to where it needs to go. This simple awareness can prevent frustration and create deeper connections.

2. Attune And Adapt To Verbal And Nonverbal Cues

Great communicators don’t just focus on words—they pay attention to tone, body language, and context to grasp the full meaning behind what’s being said. In Supercommunicators, Duhigg highlights that much of communication is nonverbal, meaning that what people express through facial expressions, posture, and voice often reveals more than their actual words.

Someone might say they’re “fine,” but if their arms are crossed and their voice is tense, they likely feel otherwise. Recognizing these subtle cues helps prevent misunderstandings and allows for more meaningful interactions.

Classic research published in the Journal of Nonverbal Behavior shows that people are better at judging rapport (the sense of connection and harmony in a conversation) when they focus on nonverbal cues like body language, facial expressions, and posture rather than verbal cues. Researchers suggest that rapport is largely a “visible” phenomenon—something we can pick up on just by observing body language and social behaviors.

At the same time, effective communicators know how to adjust their own communication style based on the situation and audience. A firm and direct tone may be useful in a professional setting, like giving instructions in a workplace, but that same approach could come across as harsh in a personal conversation where someone needs emotional support. Similarly, a warm and conversational tone may strengthen personal relationships but might not be suitable for a high-stakes negotiation.

By becoming more attuned to both what is said and how it is expressed, you can have conversations with greater clarity and impact, ensuring that your message is both understood and well-received.

3. Build Connection Through Thoughtful Questions

One of the most powerful tools in communication is the ability to ask meaningful and well-placed questions. In Supercommunicators, Duhigg highlights how skillful questioning can transform surface-level conversations into deep, engaging exchanges. The right questions build trust, encourage openness, and create opportunities for connection.

Here are a few types of questions that strengthen communication

• Open-ended vs. close-ended questions. Open-ended questions (e.g., “What was that experience like for you?”) invite thoughtful responses which allow the speaker to elaborate, while close-ended questions (e.g., “Did you like it?”) often lead to brief, limiting answers like a simple “yes” or “no.” If you want to encourage deeper conversation, opt for open-ended questions that give room for expression.
• Deep-value questions. These go beyond factual inquiries and encourage self-reflection and emotional depth. Instead of asking, “How was your day?” Try “What was the most meaningful part of your day?” or “What’s something you’ve been thinking a lot about lately?” These kinds of questions can make people feel seen and heard on a deeper level.
• The looping method. This technique involves actively listening and repeating back key elements of what the other person said before responding. For instance, if someone says, “I’m feeling stuck in my career,” you can loop back with, “It sounds like you’re at a crossroads. What’s making you feel that way?” This reassures them that you’re listening and encourages them to elaborate.
• Curiosity-driven questions. Instead of thinking about what you’ll say next, try approaching conversations with genuine curiosity. Questions like “What’s something you wish people asked you about more often?” or “What’s a challenge you’ve overcome that changed your perspective?” Can invite profound insights and create a lasting bond.

By asking thoughtful questions, you can create a space for authentic and meaningful dialogue. Conversations become less about exchanging words and more about understanding and connection—which is at the heart of great communication.

The Art Of Intentional Communication

True communication goes beyond simply exchanging words—it’s about recognizing intent, tuning into emotions, and adapting to different conversational needs. The best communicators are not just skilled speakers but also active listeners who understand the deeper layers of interaction. Factors like empathy, emotional intelligence and even allowing for silence play a crucial role in how a message is received.

At its core, effective communication is not just about ensuring you’re heard; it’s also about understanding what you’re trying to achieve and aligning with the other person’s perspective.

Whether navigating conflict, deepening relationships, or making critical decisions, the most effective conversations happen when we move beyond surface-level exchanges and engage with curiosity and openness.

Take this science-backed test to learn if you’re a good listener—an essential skill for effective communication: Active-Empathic Listening Scale