I’ve experienced four layoffs in mid-November over the past decade—two of mine and two of my husband’s—perfectly timed to put a damper on the holiday season. Tidings of joy were replaced by woe and dread, yet we somehow had to muster a cheery disposition for the sake of our children and for all those we knew who were still gainfully employed and carefree.
Getting laid off at any time of year is a harrowing experience, but losing your job before the holidays can turn “the most wonderful time of the year” into a stressful and depressing abyss that feels impossible to navigate. I know how hard it is to put on a brave face when you’re flooded with fears and uncertainty over the future and when you’re supposed to be shelling out a lot of cash on gifts, even though your income flow has screeched to a halt.
Below, I share my own survival strategies that got my family through multiple spells of unemployment during the holidays. I also spoke with Kelly Vincent, Psy.D., clinical psychologist and owner of Nourished Wellness Group in Encinitas, California, for her tips on how to thrive during the holidays when you feel like you’re just trying to survive being newly unemployed.
Shift your mindset so you don’t squander your downtime or the magic of the holiday season
Sages throughout history have agreed that time is our most precious and irreplaceable gift. Unemployment has given you a new allotment of free time. And while this period in your life feels unpleasant, it’s still worthy of your mindfulness and presence.
Since time is now on your side, use it to your advantage. You now have more hours to spend with your children, loved ones, pets and friends. You can meet your parents or grandparents for early morning coffee or tackle that home improvement project you always wished you could complete.
Additionally, a positive mindset will be your strongest ally. Being negative won’t make you any more likely to land a job or plan for the future. Vincent says, “Staying positive doesn’t mean ignoring the challenges—it’s about finding ways to keep hope alive while being kind to yourself…. You are so much more than your job. Give yourself permission to rest, recharge and lean into joy wherever you can find it.“
Embrace both holiday cheer and practicality
Every time my husband and I lost our jobs, we wished we remembered that it was for a temporary season, not a lifetime, and that we allowed ourselves time to catch our breath. Human beings have been programmed to be productive all the time, but we should take a cue from nature and understand that even bears retreat to their dens to hibernate and take a break. You, too, can push pause and allow yourself some downtime to reset from this life-altering event. Here are some ways to find balance.
Time block so you don’t lose entire days to stress
“Create boundaries around job-related stress: Limit how much time you spend thinking or talking about job hunting each day. Give yourself permission to enjoy holiday moments without guilt,” says Vincent.
Set aside a specific time each day of the holiday season to focus on your job search, and don’t be consumed by these efforts or let them take over every second of your life. The early morning hours or late evening hours while everyone else is sleeping and when your house is silent are ideal times to hone your resume and apply to jobs. “Set small, achievable goals: Instead of worrying about big-picture uncertainties, break your day into manageable chunks,” Vincent says. “Start with small wins, like reaching out to one person in your network or organizing your workspace. If you have the capacity, schedule one small task each day to help build momentum in regards to your next career move.”
Then, you can approach the rest of the day knowing you’ve already completed your tasks and you can spend time indulging in the freedom to do things you love.
Teach your kids the real meaning of the season
We had to lift the veil and tell our young children there was no Santa, since he wouldn’t be filling our house with gifts the years we were unemployed, and we didn’t want them to think this was because they were on the “naughty” list.
We got very creative when it came to making Christmas magical for our kids. Instead of material gifts, we focused on experiential gifts—the gift of time together and teaching them cool skills, like how to play the guitar and how to make Nana’s banana bread recipe. We made free activities a highlight, piling into the car with the dog and thermoses full of hot cocoa and opening the sunroof so they could stand up to look at Christmas lights in the chilly night air. Once home, we’d make a blanket fort in front of the TV, pile it with pillows and stuffed animals and watch movies under the canopy.
We used to get caught up in making sure they had the trendiest toys, but the years we were unemployed during the holidays taught us that our kids valued and truly cherished the memories of time spent together much more than the gifts they could unwrap.
Ways to keep your spirits up during the holidays
Get back to basics
Try not to replace the stress of having a job with the stress of not having a job. Now is the time to focus on you and perhaps on some of the things you didn’t previously have time for, like exercise and home cooking. Vincent suggests that you take care of your body and mind through regular movement, balanced nutrition and restful sleep. “These basics make a big difference in how you feel,” she says.
Switch your focus and be of service to others
It costs nothing to volunteer during the holidays, and the experience is priceless. My family has volunteered in animal shelters, assembled food packages for the homeless, visited seniors in assisted living facilities and cooked and served meals for the families of hospitalized children at the Ronald McDonald House. Volunteering opens your perspective to what others are experiencing and helps you appreciate what’s going right in your own life, even in times of hardship.
Notice the gifts in your life
Being grateful is a gift you should give yourself every day. “Gratitude shifts perspective without invalidating your feelings,” Vincent says. “Each day, [notice] a few things you’re grateful for, no matter how small. This might be a hot cup of coffee, a kind text from a friend or even the chance to sleep in.”
Additionally, remember that life doesn’t have to be completely free of adversity for you to be happy. “Adopt a ‘good enough’ mindset,” Vincent says, explaining, “This year doesn’t have to be perfect, as no year or holiday season is. Focus on small moments of connection, like laughing with a loved one or enjoying a favorite holiday treat.”
Dashing through the whirlwind of the holidays while experiencing job loss is challenging, but it doesn’t have to ruin your celebrations. Says Vincent, “By giving yourself grace, embracing small moments of joy, and leaning on your support system, you can make it through this time with resilience—and maybe even find a sense of hope for what’s next.”
Photo courtesy of MNStudio/Shutterstock
