Benefits of ‘Parallel Play’ in Your Relationship: Insights from a Psychologist

As you progress through life, you’re likely experiencing a rise in the number of responsibilities demanding your time and attention. From your career to personal growth and everything in between, it can feel like there’s always something pulling you in different directions. Balancing these demands while trying to maintain a meaningful relationship can leave you wondering how to find time for both yourself and your partner.

This is where “parallel play” comes in—a concept most commonly associated with young children, but incredibly beneficial for adults, especially in romantic relationships. Parallel play as an adult involves sharing the same space with your partner while you pursue your own activity of interest, just as children play side-by-side, without necessarily interacting.

This habit diminishes the need for constant communication or interaction while still spending quality time together. Rather than feeling the pressure to always be “on” for each other, you can simply enjoy being in the same room or even on a video call, each doing your own thing and still feeling connected.

Here are three ways incorporating parallel play into your routine can benefit your relationship.

1. It Balances Togetherness And Independence

In any relationship, it’s important to find a balance between intimacy and the need for personal space. As you grow closer to your partner, the line between your individual identity and the identity you share as a couple starts to blur. This can lead to feelings of dependence or even losing a sense of self.

According to research published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, when we tie our self-esteem too closely to our romantic relationships, it can be unhealthy. This is called “Relationship-contingent self-esteem.” It happens when someone’s sense of worth depends on how well their relationship is going. Instead of feeling good about themselves independently, they rely on their relationship for validation. This can strain the relationship and hinder personal growth.

Parallel play helps both partners grow individually by allowing them to engage in their own activities and interests, all while sharing the same space. It gives each person the freedom to focus on personal growth, whether it’s working on a hobby or simply having some quiet time alone. The mere presence of the other person in the same space fosters a sense of togetherness, comfort, and autonomy.

This mindful approach also helps reduce anxiety and insecurity by reinforcing the idea that love thrives in an environment where both partners feel valued as individuals. Parallel play builds emotional security for both partners without fear of losing their individuality, creating a relationship that is empowering.

2. It Reduces Relationship Burnout

In the hustle and bustle of everyday life, many relationships can start to feel emotionally draining. The constant pressure to be available and emotionally present for your partner can lead to burnout. Over time, this emotional exhaustion can also make it harder to connect and show affection.

Parallel play is an effective solution to this and gives both partners the opportunity to recharge. It does not mean distancing yourself from your partner; instead, you’re both physically present but emotionally independent. This “together but apart” dynamic ensures that neither person feels overwhelmed or suffocated while still nurturing the bond between you.

The beauty of this ritual is that the time spent “apart” actually deepens the quality of time spent together. When both partners return to each other from their separate activities, they’re rejuvenated enough to give to the relationship from a place of emotional abundance, rather than lack. This promotes a far more sustainable relationship dynamic than interacting constantly.

3. It Embraces Silent Connection

A relationship where silence does not feel awkward is powerful. Parallel play allows couples to enjoy each other’s company without the need for constant verbal communication.

Over time, this creates a deeper sense of trust and comfort, as both partners can be content in each other’s presence without feeling the need to perform or entertain. Such silence helps build a space where they feel secure enough to be themselves, even in their most raw and unguarded moments.

A 2024 study published in Motivation and Emotion examines the concept of “intrinsically motivated silence.” The study confirms that shared silence, motivated by emotional connection rather than external expectations, helps build a deeper sense of closeness and satisfaction.

Life gets complicated and so do our relationships. While it’s possible for important connections to take a backseat as responsibilities pile up, it’s vital to pause amidst the chaos and prioritize the relationships that truly matter.

Relationships thrive with intention. Neglecting them can lead to them quietly fading away. So, make space for love and put in the effort before it’s too late. Parallel play is a reminder that love grows stronger not just through grand declarations but in quiet, shared moments that say, “I’m right here with you.”

Are you feeling burnt out in your relationship? Take this science-based test to find out: Couple Burnout Measure