From Jim and Pam in The Office to Margaret and Andrew in The Proposal, the tales of office romances are as old as, well, offices. If you’ve ever had a crush on a coworker, don’t feel alone: A 2024 study by the Society for Human Resource Management (SHRM) suggests that nearly half (!) of U.S. workers have had a crush on their coworkers and 21% have gone on a date with a coworker. So, is dating someone you work with really that bad? We interviewed an HR specialist to answer all your questions on workplace dating. Learn everything you need to know before entering a romantic relationship with your work crush.
What are the risks of dating a coworker?
Before diving headfirst into an office romance, it’s important to evaluate your employee handbook to figure out if your company has any policies on dating within the workplace.
Janene Binnion, the human resources director at Smith Industries LLC, notes that coworkers at the same level in the company are generally okay to date without legal repercussions. However, when it comes to engaging in a romance with a superior or subordinate, it’s best to steer clear.
“It is not illegal to date a coworker,” says Binnion. “However, if you are at a higher level than the person you are dating, especially if you are their direct manager, there could be considerable legal considerations if the relationship ends badly and the other person decides to make a claim of sexual harassment.”
Sexual harassment in the workplace
According to the U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC), sexual harassment includes, “unwelcome sexual advances, requests for sexual favors, and other verbal or physical harassment of a sexual nature,” and can be, “the victim’s supervisor, a supervisor in another area, a co-worker, or someone who is not an employee of the employer, such as a client or customer.”
“Whether starting a relationship or ending one, if the other person decides they are no longer interested, you must go along with their decision,” says Binnion. “You can never continue to send text messages or call someone or send emails about dating them. That will get you in trouble or even fired if the other party goes to human resources—even if they say they don’t want to get you fired. If the company gets the idea that you are harassing another employee in any way, they will be
obligated to protect their employee.”
Another reason not to date your boss is that it might set you back in your career. A 2016 study suggests that subordinates in “hierarchical workplace romances” (or an in-office romance where one person is the other’s supervisor) are less likely to be promoted and selected for professional development opportunities than those not in relationships with a superior in the office.
Other risks may include claims of favoritism, especially if the coworker you are dating is your supervisor or subordinate. With all the risks in mind, you can decide if the relationship is worth pursuing or if you should remain platonic.
How to handle dating in the workplace
Assuming your company is okay with in-office dating and you’ve evaluated the risks, you have the green light to engage in a relationship with your coworker.
So, should you tell everyone you’re dating? According to Binnion, it’s important to keep your relationship extremely confidential in the beginning in case it doesn’t work out.
“I recommend [telling coworkers] only once you are extremely serious, probably once you are engaged. Most people won’t do this but after 30+ years in human resources that’s my recommendation,” says Binnion.
Be sure to inform HR of your relationship if your company has a policy that requires disclosure.
At work, be sure not to show any public displays of affection or favoritism towards your partner and remain professional so as to avoid making fellow coworkers uncomfortable or stirring up office gossip.
Bottom line
Before dating a coworker, employees should reference their employee handbook to see if their company has any guidelines or restrictions on office romances. Those who want to engage in an office romance should be respectful of their fellow coworkers and remain professional at the office. Binnion emphasizes that it’s crucial to consider all the risks and ask yourself if the relationship is worth it.
“In my experience, most people don’t give any consideration to it at all. They simply find themselves attracted to a coworker and begin dating without giving any thought to it at all, which could be a big mistake,” says Binnion.
The aforementioned SHRM study indicates that 10% of U.S. workers left a job they liked because of a breakup with someone at work.
“Think about it long and hard because most relationships don’t last and you don’t want to ruin your career or decide it’s easier to leave a company you like than to see your ex every day,” says Binnion.
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