How to Avoid a ‘January Divorce’ According to a Psychologist

Divorce in January, often referred to as “divorce month” in legal circles, can feel like the worst possible timing. The start of a new year is typically linked to new beginnings, but for many, it can signal the end of a marriage. If you’re facing this challenge, know that you’re not alone.

January sees an increase in divorce filings as people tend to reflect on the past year and decide it’s time to move on from a relationship that no longer serves them. While it may seem overwhelming, there are steps you can take to make the process more manageable—emotionally, practically and legally.

Here’s a step-by-step guide to help you navigate the complexities of a January divorce.

1. Allow Yourself To Feel Your Emotions

Divorce is a significant life change, and it’s perfectly normal to feel a complex mix of emotions—grief, anger, relief, guilt or even confusion. These emotions can feel overwhelming, especially in January, when others around you may express joy, motivation and excitement about the new year.

Rather than pressuring yourself to feel optimistic or “move on” right away, it’s important to give yourself the time and space to fully process your emotions.

A 2022 study published in the Journal of Happiness Studies shows that mixed emotions can be psychologically taxing, as they often create inner conflict. If left unaddressed, they may affect your mental health and overall well-being.

Here’s how to navigate this emotional terrain:

1. Acknowledge and validate your feelings. Avoid suppressing your emotions, as it may bring temporary relief, but causes long-term stress. Embrace uncomfortable emotions without judgment. It’s normal to grieve the end of a relationship while also feeling relief and hope for the future. Use affirmations like, “It’s okay to feel this way. My feelings are valid, and I’m taking steps to heal,” to enhance self-compassion.
2. Journal to process your emotions. Journaling is a powerful tool for processing emotions. Writing down thoughts and feelings can help gain clarity and identify any unhelpful patterns. Try a letter-writing exercise to express your emotions. You don’t need to share it—this is about releasing pent-up feelings and gaining perspective. Use guiding prompts like, “What am I feeling right now, and why?” or “What small steps can I take today to feel more grounded?” to help navigate these emotions.
3. Reframe your perspective. Cognitive reappraisal is an effective strategy to regulate emotions by shifting your perspective to reduce emotional impact. For example, instead of thinking, “I failed at my marriage,” reframe it as, “This marriage taught me lessons I can carry forward.” If you’re focused on loss, shift your mindset to gratitude by identifying the positive aspects of your life that remain intact. This isn’t about suppressing emotions, but rather processing them while consciously choosing how to respond.

2. Prioritize Your Children’s Well-Being

If you have children, their well-being is likely one of your top concerns during a divorce. The transition can be especially difficult if it coincides with the start of a new year, when they may be adjusting to school and new routines.

A 2015 study published in American Sociological Review shows that changes in family structure can significantly impact children’s development, with the shift from a two-parent household often leading to negative outcomes.

However, with the right approach, you can help your children navigate this transition more smoothly. Here are some ways to support your children during this challenging time:

1. Be honest, but gentle. Transparency is important when talking to your children about the divorce, but how you communicate should depend on their age and maturity level. Keep the conversation age-appropriate and reassure them that both parents will continue to love and support them. Avoid placing blame or speaking negatively about the other parent, as this can lead to confusion and emotional distress. The goal is to create a safe space where your children feel comfortable expressing their emotions and asking questions.
2. Create consistent routines. Stability is key to helping your children feel secure. Try to maintain consistency in their day-to-day life, such as sticking to school schedules, extracurricular activities and family mealtimes. Consistent routines provide your children with a sense of normalcy and predictability, offering comfort during uncertain times.
3. Establish a co-parenting strategy. Effective co-parenting is essential for minimizing disruption in your children’s lives. Open and respectful communication with your ex-spouse will help keep logistical matters—such as pick-up/drop-off schedules, vacations and special events—running smoothly. Discuss how you’ll approach parenting responsibilities and try to maintain a unified front when it comes to discipline, rules and boundaries. This will help your children adjust to the changes in family dynamics and feel more secure in their relationships with both parents.

3. Avoid Making Drastic Life Changes During Your Divorce

Divorce is an emotionally charged experience that can leave you feeling like you’re at a crossroads, eager to make major decisions in an attempt to regain control and feel empowered in the midst of a significant loss. However, it’s important to pause and consider whether making drastic life changes during this time is the best choice.

A 2023 study published in Clinical Psychology Review shows that when emotions run high, individuals tend to make impulsive decisions without fully assessing the consequences, which can lead to regret or additional stress.

Here’s why it’s wise to hold off on major life changes during your divorce:

• Emotional overload. Divorce can cloud your judgment. When you’re emotionally overwhelmed, you may not be in the best frame of mind to make significant, life-altering decisions. Moving or changing careers, for example, can increase feelings of uncertainty or loss.
• Stability is key. Maintaining as much stability as possible is crucial. Drastic changes in your environment, like a move, can add to the emotional strain and disrupt any sense of normalcy, which can be essential for healing.
• Time for reflection. It’s important to give yourself time to process your emotions, rebuild your self-esteem and make thoughtful decisions. Rushing into major life changes can delay this important process of self-reflection for healing and moving on.
• Financial and logistical stress. Divorce brings its own financial and logistical challenges. Adding another layer of stress—like selling a home or changing jobs—can complicate an already difficult situation.

If you feel a strong urge to make a big change, take a step back. Give yourself time to adjust emotionally and consult with a therapist or trusted support network before making any hasty decisions. It’s likely your future self will thank you for it in the long run.

Dividing up your life, both emotionally and practically, is no small feat. By breaking the process into manageable steps, you can reduce some of the stress and uncertainty and allow January to become a time of healing and self-compassion, despite the upheaval you’re facing.

Feeling like January might signal troubling tides for your relationship? Take the Marital Satisfaction Scale to gain a clearer perspective.