For decades, college has been seen as the golden ticket—a guaranteed path to a good job and a stable future. But times are changing. Increasingly, families are questioning whether a four-year degree is still the best route to fulfillment and prosperity.
Higher education expert Jeff Selingo, author of Who Gets In and Why, says this trend is striking: “What I am seeing is… more of a questioning of the value, even among affluent families, of paying full price… at some of these colleges and universities.”
The pandemic also reshaped the landscape. Mental health concerns among teens have skyrocketed, and some students feel less socially and emotionally ready to leave home. Meanwhile, the rising costs and high-stakes nature of college admissions have families questioning if the college path is worth the stress.
Kathleen deLaski, founder of Education Design Lab and author of Who Needs College Anymore?, points out that affluent families, in particular, have the flexibility to explore other paths: “They have more options—they can explore other paths, like apprenticeships, industry certifications and bootcamps or YouTube learning and just see what happens. They are less likely to feel the need [to go to] college to get to the middle class or earn a legitimacy label.”
This shift signals a broader cultural redefinition of success—and an opportunity for parents to rethink what’s best for their children.
Reframing success: How to share the big picture
When your teen says, “I don’t think college is for me,” it’s natural to worry: “What will people think?” “Will they be OK?”
But what if we focused less on traditional markers of success—like degrees—and more on what actually drives fulfillment and happiness?
The Harvard Study of Adult Development, which has tracked participants for over 80 years, offers key insight: Happiness and fulfillment come from meaningful relationships —not necessarily from a specific income or title.
Vocational and technical careers are also seeing a resurgence. Jobs in skilled trades are projected to grow significantly in the coming decade, and many of these roles offer salaries on par with or higher than traditional degree holders.
Freelancing and entrepreneurship are also on the rise. Upwork Research Institute’s 2023 Freelance Forward survey found that over a third of the U.S. workforce is freelancing, with younger generations leading the way. These nontraditional paths offer flexibility, creativity and opportunities for real-world experience.
For teens who are unsure about committing to a four-year degree, nontraditional credentials like bootcamps and certifications are increasingly viable. Georgetown University research shows that these pathways can lead to good jobs in industries like tech, management, trades and healthcare.
When someone asks, “Why isn’t your child going to college?” a confident response might be: “They’re exploring opportunities that align with their goals and values. We’re excited to see where their journey takes them.”
The emotional side: Building trust and open dialogue
A challenge many parents face is creating a safe space for teens to share their true thoughts and feelings. Psychologist SD Shanti, founder of the World Love Forum, emphasizes that trust-building needs to happen long before these pivotal conversations arise.
“Parents and children would benefit greatly from regular conversations about neutral topics that are not about performance….” Shanti says. “Strive to express love for who… [your] child is—apart from what he or she does.”
A recent study shows that “in parent-teenager relationships, quietly listening to a teenager while showing them they are valued and appreciated for their honesty has a powerful effect on their willingness to open up.” Shanti also recommends a “yes, and…” approach from improv comedy to keep conversations flowing:
Teen: “I don’t think college is for me.”
Parent: “Yes, and I want to understand what you see for yourself instead. Let’s talk about what excites you about other paths.”
The key is to make your child feel loved and supported, regardless of whether they follow the path you envisioned for them.
Supporting your teen’s pathway to success
If your teen opts out of college, they’ll need structured opportunities to build life skills and gain real-world experience. Research shows that young adults who have hands-on learning experiences are more likely to develop essential life skills that lead to long-term success. Here’s how you can help:
1. Build executive function skills
Executive function skills—time management, organization and goal-setting—are critical for navigating both personal and professional challenges. According to Harvard University’s Center on the Developing Child, “executive function skills help us plan, focus attention, switch gears and juggle tasks… [which are] core skills for lifelong health and well-being.”
Encourage your teen to take ownership of their schedule through tools like digital planners or task management apps such as Todoist or Notion. These tools help build autonomy while teaching teens how to prioritize tasks and meet deadlines—key skills they’ll need to thrive in both work and life. Even small tasks, like managing household chores or planning their own travel itinerary, can reinforce responsibility and self-discipline.
2. Foster social skills
Social capital is just as important as technical skills in building a successful career. According to the National Association of Colleges and Employers (NACE), over 95% of employers prioritize communication and interpersonal skills when hiring. Community projects, volunteer work or internships give teens opportunities to build relationships, practice collaboration and engage with diverse groups—critical skills that will serve them in any field.
Consider encouraging your teen to participate in programs like AmeriCorps or Global Citizen Year, which provide structured opportunities to engage in service work and build a strong professional network. For students interested in creative industries, local art collectives or maker spaces can offer collaborative environments to build both technical and social skills.
3. Promote self-discovery
Experiential learning—where students engage in hands-on projects—has been shown to increase curiosity, resilience and problem-solving skills. Encourage your teen to explore their passions through internships, travel or personal creative projects. For example, if they’re interested in sustainable living, they could take part in a program like WWOOF (Worldwide Opportunities on Organic Farms), which combines travel with hands-on agricultural work.
Similarly, students interested in entrepreneurship can explore startup incubators like The Knowledge Society, which is designed to help young people turn ideas into real-world projects. These experiences will help your teen discover their strengths, develop critical skills and gain a clearer sense of purpose—regardless of whether they pursue a traditional degree.
Redefining success for the next generation
Shanti emphasizes, “…to connect on the level of love and care and let the child know that they are loved, and you [the parent] are not being a police who enforces, but rather a guide who knows the terrain.” When your teen says, “College isn’t for me,” it’s not a dead end—it’s an open door to explore who they are and what truly lights them up.
As Selingo notes, “Families are more savvy now around this idea that not every child within the family unit is alike.” By fostering opportunities for skill-building, exploration and open communication, parents can guide their teens toward a life of purpose and fulfillment. The world is evolving, and success doesn’t have a singular definition anymore. The best gift you can give your teen is the confidence to pursue it on their own terms.
Photo from BearFotos/Shutterstock.com
