Supporting a loved one after a disaster: Tips from Yale Climate Connections

As extreme weather events like hurricanes and floods wreak havoc, survivors often face more than just the physical destruction of their homes and communities. According to experts, the emotional toll can be profound, leaving people with a range of psychological and emotional reactions. Pamela Londoño Salazar, a mental health expert, says survivors commonly experience fear, confusion, grief, and even trauma in the wake of such crises. She emphasizes the importance of emotional support in the immediate and long-term aftermath: “Responding to people’s emotional needs in those difficult situations strengthens resilience and helps people cope more effectively with the crisis.”

Listening is one of the most effective methods for offering needed emotional support, Salazar says.

Yale Climate Connections spoke with Salazar about the emotional responses people can experience after a disaster and to learn more about how friends and family can support people coping with the psychological effects of extreme weather.

Yale Climate Connections: When someone’s gone through a crisis, such as an extreme weather event, what are some of the emotional and psychological responses that they’re likely to experience?

Londoño Salazar: Extreme weather events can be devastating – in an instant homes and entire communities can be damaged or destroyed forever. After a hurricane, we see how strong winds and flooding have taken away not only material belongings but also, and more importantly, loved ones. No one who lives through a disaster is left untouched by the experience, and the destruction they witness is often beyond anything they’ve experienced before. Because of this, it’s natural for people to have a wide range of psychological and physical reactions, which are normal after an abnormal event.

Emotions will vary from one person to another, but commonly, people affected by these extreme weather events feel afraid, disoriented, confused, depressed, sad, and hopeless. People might also experience sudden mood changes, becoming more irritable or on edge than usual. Over time, these emotional responses may shift, so survivors may feel overwhelmed, anxious, and angry in the days and weeks following the event.

These events can really be traumatic, resulting in the development of trauma symptoms. People might have repeated or vivid memories of the event – for no apparent reason – and this triggers a physical reaction of stress, including shallow breathing, heart rate increase, and sweating; some people may overeat or oversleep, while others experience a loss of sleep or appetite.

Another common trauma reaction is hypervigilance. This is where people become extremely sensitive to sounds and environment, and things like sirens or loud noises can remind them of the disasters. This can trigger a stress reaction and an intense emotional response, often accompanied by fear that the event may happen again. It’s also important to remember that the survivors are also experiencing grief – most of them have lost their belongings or loved ones – and this is also part of that experience.

Children and adolescents are often affected in ways specific to their age. Children might show regressive behaviors – behaving like a child in an earlier stage of development – so they can start wetting the bed again, have night terrors, or revert to baby talk.

Reactions of adolescents might be similar to those of adults, but it’s important to understand that their distress often shows up as irritability, anger, or mood swings. They may also become agitated and struggle in school or avoid responsibilities and social situations altogether. So understanding the common emotional, cognitive, and behavioral responses to these events can help people adapt and cope effectively.

YCC: How important is emotional support for both short- and long-term recovery given all of those potential responses?

Londoño Salazar: Emotional support is key for recovering after a disaster. Addressing the emotional consequences can significantly reduce the risk of long-term mental health issues. And responding to people’s emotional needs in those difficult situations strengthens resilience and helps people cope more effectively with the crisis. In the short term, emotional support is crucial in reducing acute stress and helping individuals process what they’ve been through, easing feelings of isolation and helplessness.

This initial emotional support can be provided in different ways and by different people, including mental health professionals, front-line responders, trained healthcare workers in mental health, or even religious leaders, peers, and family members.

So what’s most important for people is having someone who can listen, empathize, and provide encouragement during that moment to facilitate the expression of emotions, which is a protective factor for mental health conditions. Without that emotional support, people may struggle in the long term with prolonged trauma or mental health challenges such as clinical depression, anxiety, or PTSD.

Fortunately, most people are resilient, and over time, they can bounce back from a tragedy. But if emotional distress persists and begins to interfere with daily life, it’s important to consult a mental health professional. Providing that support in the first hours or days after the event creates the foundation for rebuilding their lives, both mentally and physically.

YCC: You mentioned consulting a professional can be very important, but what role can friends and family play in providing that emotional support?

Londoño Salazar: Social support is essential for recovering, and family and friends are crucial in providing emotional support even if they’re not physically present. Fortunately, with technology, we can stay connected, feel close to people, and offer comfort to others even if we’re not there in person. Regular check-ins can show care and concern while also listening and validating their feelings. It’s really, really important and helps them to feel heard and supported.

It’s also important to be present emotionally, even remotely, to remind people that they’re not alone. In this kind of situation, they might feel isolated and lonely, and simple actions like staying in touch, sending messages, making calls, or even helping coordinate practical support can make a difference and help ease the burden of recovery in the situation.

YCC: Are there things that people should or should not say? What are some tips to be reassuring and helpful and not hurt the situation?

Londoño Salazar: That’s really important because sometimes we don’t know what to say and we end up saying things that we didn’t mean. So it’s really important to empathize with the situation and listen actively. And again – I repeat it because it’s really important – to validate their feelings, reassure them that it’s OK to feel however they’re feeling and also that it’s normal to have strong emotional reactions during challenging times. We can use supportive phrases like “So sorry this happened,” or “I can’t imagine what you’re going through, but I’m here for you.” Listen without interrupting and avoid offering advice unless they ask for it.

It’s important to avoid minimizing the situation and saying things like, “At least you survived” or “It could have been worse.” That’s not helpful at all.

Instead, just listen. The key is to focus on their needs, acknowledge their pain and their fear, and provide a safe space for them to express their emotion.

YCC: What does it mean to be a good listener?

Londoño Salazar: Being a good listener might seem simple, but truly listening is a skill. Being a good listener means being fully present and focused on the person speaking, not just with our ears, but also being mindful of body language. It’s difficult, but it’s important to pay attention to what the person is saying, to their gestures, eyes, body language, and without rushing to fix their problems and to put aside all our personal judgments. A good listener gives the other [person] space to share their story without interruptions and stays silent. And sometimes, it’s really hard to stay quiet and listen because often, when we talk to someone, others just wait for you to pause for a second to jump in with their own story. While you thought they were listening, they were actually thinking about what they wanted to say rather than truly paying attention to what you wanted to communicate or [what you] really needed, but you couldn’t put into words. So for that reason, we should train ourselves to be good listeners, to ask open-ended questions, to really understand the situation and what’s happening to the other person, and what are their needs. The goal is to help them feel heard and validated.

YCC: Is it helpful to provide resources and information and other tangible support?

Londoño Salazar: It’s important to remember that the people affected by these extreme weather events may have unmet basic needs such as water, food, shelter, and hygiene products. In the confusion of the disaster, survivors may not know where to seek help or find shelter, so providing resources, relevant information, and tangible support are also meaningful ways to provide support.

By carefully listening to survivors’ needs, people can identify how best to support them, whether with tangible items or emotional support. Sometimes simply being there to listen is exactly what they need to feel heard and understood. Other times, offering practical help, like connecting them to housing, food, or mental health services, can alleviate the stress produced by those situations. Both approaches are really important, and it depends on what the person needs because not all of them are affected in the same way.

YCC: How do you know when someone needs more than just the emotional support that friends and family can give and should get professional mental health care?

Londoño Salazar: Survivors should seek professional support when they keep experiencing important emotional distress for a long period after the event and that distress is impairing daily life functioning, like having difficulty sleeping, withdrawing from others, or showing signs of severe anxiety or depression. Another important sign is self-harm or suicidal thoughts, and in those cases, professional intervention is urgently needed. Psychologists are trained to help people address their emotional reactions to disaster and make a plan for moving forward.

YCC: Are there resources that specialize in connecting people with mental health care during crises that you would suggest?

Londoño Salazar: Several organizations provide crisis mental health support, such as the Disaster Distress Helpline, which offers 24/7 counseling for those affected by natural disasters. There’s also the 988 Lifeline and the Crisis Text line, where people can speak or text with a counselor confidentially. [Editors note: If you call a helpline, ask what their disclosure policy is before sharing personal information. Some crisis lines may call emergency responders like the police.] Also, the American Red Cross often sets up services in disaster-affected areas, and international organizations like the International Medical Corps and our organization Project HOPE, in collaboration with SAMU First Response, are providing medical care and supplies and also offering first-line emotional support with psychological first aid to people affected by a crisis. So I would urge people to look for local resources during a crisis. Access to local mental health agencies is also a possibility and information will depend on the location.

YCC: How can friends and family members worried about their loved ones take care of their own needs and stress during these times?

Londoño Salazar: Caring for someone else through a crisis can be emotionally draining, so it’s essential to practice self-care. People can find relief through relaxation techniques and mindfulness exercises, which are evidence-based techniques for emotional regulation that diminish the symptoms of stress.

Other ways to practice self-care include setting boundaries, limiting the time they spend looking for news and information – that can be overwhelming – and also seeking support from friends or professionals to decompress. Expressing their feelings is an effective way to start dealing with distressful emotional reactions. We can practice self-care by building in positive routines to have something to look forward to during those distressing times, like pursuing a hobby, walking through an attractive park or neighborhood, or reading a good book and exercising.

It’s also important during those stressful moments to observe our reactions and listen to our needs, to cope in positive ways by engaging in healthy behaviors like exercising and eating well, and avoiding harmful coping mechanisms like alcohol and drugs that can provide a sense of immediate relief but create a dependence or damage health in the long term. It’s important to remember that we can’t pour from an empty cup, so ensuring our mental and physical well-being is key to being able to support others.

Resources

Editor’s note: If you contact a helpline, consider asking what their disclosure policy is before sharing personal information. Some crisis lines may call emergency responders, like the police.