Surviving Emotional Waves: A Psychologist’s Advice on the ’90-Second Rule’

Emotions can feel overwhelming, often lingering far longer than expected. A single frustrating conversation or a moment of embarrassment can replay in the mind for hours, shaping the rest of the day. However, in reality, the initial emotional reaction itself lasts only 90 seconds—anything beyond that is fueled by ongoing mental engagement.

This idea comes from neuroscientist Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor, who discovered that when an emotional response is triggered, the brain releases a surge of neurochemicals that create physiological sensations such as a racing heart, tense muscles or a sinking feeling in the stomach. If we do nothing to feed the emotion, this chemical reaction naturally dissipates within 90 seconds. Any emotion that persists beyond this timeframe is sustained by repeated thoughts about the triggering event.

Even strong emotions like anger, anxiety or frustration are inherently short-lived. However, they often feel prolonged due to mental habits—replaying scenarios, overanalyzing or reinforcing negative interpretations. By recognizing this pattern, it becomes possible to interrupt the cycle and regain control over emotional responses.

Here are three strategies that can help reset the mind before an emotion takes over, allowing for a shift in perspective and a return to emotional balance.

1. Experience Emotions Without Getting Attached

When a strong emotion surfaces, the natural response is often to either suppress it (“I shouldn’t feel this way”) or fuel it (“This is so unfair!”). However, both reactions tend to prolong the emotion rather than resolve it.

Research on emotional suppression shows that pushing emotions down leads to greater distress, lower self-esteem and reduced relationship satisfaction over time, as unprocessed emotions resurface later in more intense ways.

Similarly, studies on emotional intelligence suggest that individuals who struggle to regulate emotions are more prone to negative repetitive thoughts, such as worry and rumination, which intensify and prolong emotional distress. In both cases, avoiding or over-engaging with emotions keeps them active longer than necessary, preventing natural resolution.

A more effective approach is to observe the emotion without attaching to it. Emotions function like waves—they rise, peak and eventually fall if left undisturbed. Instead of resisting or indulging in the feeling, simply acknowledge it.

A helpful internal dialogue might be: “This is frustration. It’s temporary. It’ll pass.” By recognizing the emotion without judgment, it becomes easier to prevent it from gaining unnecessary momentum.

To put it into practice, literally set a timer for 90 seconds and allow yourself to fully experience the emotion. Pay attention to how it moves through the body—where is it felt the most? Does it have a particular sensation, such as warmth, tightness or restlessness? Once the timer ends, remind yourself that the biological response has run its course, and any lingering emotion is now being sustained by thoughts rather than the original trigger.

When you accept an emotion instead of resisting it, you reduce its intensity. Suppression makes emotions linger, but observation helps them pass naturally.

2. Shift Your Focus With A Sensory Anchor

Once the initial emotional response subsides, the mind often keeps the feeling alive by replaying the situation, overanalyzing what happened or predicting worst-case scenarios.

This mental loop can intensify and prolong an emotion far beyond its natural course. The fastest way to break out of this cycle is to shift attention from thinking to sensing, redirecting focus away from rumination and into real-time physical experience.

Research shows that “grounding” oneself produces an immediate drop in high levels of arousal in key physiological markers such as skin conductance, respiratory rate and circulation, with effects that persist even after ungrounding. These findings suggest that engaging the body through sensory experiences can directly influence the nervous system, promoting relaxation and stability.

Since the body exists in the present, while the mind tends to wander into the past or future, sensory grounding helps anchor awareness to the here and now, making it harder for negative thoughts to take hold.

Here are three simple grounding techniques that can help break the mental loop and bring your focus back to what is real and tangible.

• Touch. Hold an object with texture—your clothing, a smooth stone or a piece of jewelry. Focus on the sensation.
• Breath awareness. Take a slow, deep breath and notice the coolness of the air as you inhale and the warmth as you exhale.
• Grounding. Place your hands on a surface (your desk, a chair, your lap) and press down lightly. Feel its solidity beneath your palms.

You can also do a quick “5-4-3-2-1” exercise for a deeper reset:

• Name 5 things you can see
• Name 4 things you can feel
• Name 3 things you can hear
• Name 2 things you can smell
• Name 1 thing you can taste

3. Ask—What Thought Is Keeping This Alive?

When an emotion lingers beyond 90 seconds, it’s no longer just a reaction to the event—it’s being sustained by the story attached to it. The mind naturally tries to make sense of experiences but often exaggerates, assumes intent or fixates on worst-case scenarios, prolonging emotional distress.

For example, thoughts like “They ignored my text; they must be upset with me” can trigger anxiety, while “I stumbled during my presentation; everyone probably thinks I’m incompetent” can fuel self-doubt. In both cases, the interpretation—not the event itself—creates emotional distress.

Research on implicit beliefs about emotions shows that those who see emotions as fixed and uncontrollable are more likely to struggle with psychological distress, as they feel powerless in regulating their emotions.

In contrast, individuals who view emotions as flexible and manageable are better at challenging and reframing negative thought patterns, leading to greater emotional resilience and well-being.

One effective way to reset your thoughts is to:

1. Notice the thought. Ask, “What story am I telling myself right now?” Become aware of the inner dialogue that is reinforcing the emotion.
2. Question. Ask, “Is this a fact, or am I making an assumption?” Challenge whether there is actual evidence to support the belief.
3. Reframe it. Ask, “What’s a more realistic or balanced way to see this?” Look for alternative explanations that are neutral or self-compassionate rather than fear-based.

For example,

• Instead of thinking, “They ignored my text. They must be mad at me,” reframe it to: “They didn’t respond to my text—maybe they’re just busy.”
• Similarly, instead of “I messed up that presentation. Everyone must think I’m incompetent,” try saying, “One awkward moment doesn’t define my entire presentation.”

If mentally reframing feels difficult, write your thoughts down. Seeing them on paper helps separate fact from assumption, making distortions easier to recognize. This practice is especially useful for persistent emotions like anxiety, guilt or resentment.

Are your thoughts running the show? Put them to the test with the Mindful Attention Awareness Scale—and take control.