Having a high IQ looks impressive on paper, but when it comes to interacting with staff one-on-one and navigating healthy work dynamics, without high emotional intelligence, many leaders can fall short. In contrast to IQ, emotional intelligence (also called emotional quotient or EQ) is determined by emotions and how you manage them. Assets like social skills, empathy and motivation can promote a nurturing work culture where people feel driven and appreciated.
As for interpersonal connections, addressing your thoughts and feelings and those of others is crucial and can make or break a relationship. For decades, IQ has served as the primary barometer of intelligence, driven by intellect and data. The problem? It never took the whole person into account. Finally, the way emotions factor into a person’s intelligence is getting its due.
What is emotional intelligence?
While the term “emotional intelligence” had been used before, psychologist Daniel Goleman popularized it in the 1995 global bestseller Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ. In his book, Goleman outlines five pillars associated with EQ and writes, “People’s emotions are rarely put into words; far more often, they are expressed through other cues. The key to intuiting another’s feelings is in the ability to read nonverbal channels: tone of voice, gesture, facial expression and the like.”
According to Goleman, the backbone of emotional intelligence comprises five pivotal traits, which often overlap. Read on to discover these five essential elements of emotional intelligence, which are all skills that can be learned.
1. Empathy
A compassionate understanding of another person’s feelings affects everything from interpersonal relationships to career and emotional well-being. Silva cites a study conducted out of the University of Cambridge that found that only 10% of how empathetic we are is due to genetics. That means the remaining 90% can be learned, she says.
According to Silva, there are three stages of empathy. “Cognitive empathy is being aware of the emotional state of another person. Emotional empathy is engaging with and sharing those emotions. Compassionate empathy involves taking action to support other people,” she explains.
Silva says her own research study on the impact of pandemic fatigue found that people with higher empathy had more resilience, were more adaptable to new structures developing at that time and were better able to maintain their management style. But those who had a “lower sense of empathy began to displace that unresolved trauma onto their other team members.”
When you are in tune with another person, it enhances your intuition too. Silva says that “empathy is good at being a predictor.” But it’s not always that smooth, as your brain can get in the way of leading with empathy when it’s operating in survival mode, predicting things you have already experienced, and expecting them to resurface, she explains. This can prevent you from trusting your instincts and being in the moment.
2. Self-awareness
An ability to identify your feelings as they occur and notice nonverbal cues from others is essential. In his book, Goleman calls self-awareness “the keystone of emotional intelligence,” saying, “People with greater certainty about their feelings are better pilots of their lives, having a surer sense of how they really feel about personal decisions from whom to marry to what job to take.”
On a day-to-day basis, self-awareness helps you navigate life in countless ways. According to psychotherapist and executive coach Babita Spinelli, “When we are self-aware, we are in touch with our needs and expectations. This creates healthy boundaries [and] helps individually and in relationships. Healthy boundaries prevent burnout and curate more life balance.”
According to Spinelli, self-awareness gives you more control over your responses and insight into your triggers and behaviors, which makes you better able to navigate relationships and their challenges. Echoing Goleman’s ideas on decisions and emotional intelligence, she adds that being aware “fosters healthy decision-making that aligns with personal values and goals. In professional environments, this alignment leads to more effective motivation and teamwork.”
3. Motivation
Motivation is like an internal engine that keeps you moving forward. This driving force is linked to leadership and resilience and “fuels persistence in the face of challenges,” Spinelli says. “Emotionally intelligent individuals often possess a high level of intrinsic motivation, which helps them bounce back from setbacks.”
Keep in mind, your behavior impacts others on a subconscious level too. Research shows that emotions are often contagious and may be conveyed in subtle ways such as through nonverbal cues, tone of voice, body language and more. Highly motivated people are often role models. They “inspire and influence those around them,” Spinelli says. “In leadership roles, it encourages a more engaged and productive environment.”
When it comes to personal relationships, Spinelli says that being motivated helps you engage more positively with others in your life, enhancing close connections. She also notes that self-awareness and motivation can overlap, explaining that “a motivated person is more likely to control impulses and make decisions that align with long-term goals.”
4. Self-regulation
Choosing how to manage and control your thoughts, emotions and behavior is an important ability—it creates psychological safety for you and for those you are in relationships with, according to clinical psychologist Carla Marie Manly, Ph.D., author of Joy From Fear and The Joy of Imperfect Love. Your emotions are healthy, she says. Each one contains messages that can foster personal well-being. “The goal of emotional self-regulation is to learn to listen to your emotions—to detangle and process them appropriately—so that they work for you rather than against you,” Manly says.
Keep in mind that “trust, a key aspect of all healthy relationships, tends to thrive when you are self-regulated because others see you as dependable, stable and consistent,” Manly says. This also applies to yourself, helping you feel more self-reliant. “When you regulate your own emotions, you naturally feel more confident and in control due to a sense of internal stability and safety.”
On the flip side, if you are emotionally dysregulated, you’ll feel “out of control and off balance,” which “often causes others to feel an array of disorienting emotions such as anxiety, confusion and fear,” Manly explains. She adds that emotional regulation is a “foundational aspect of psychological health. You will do your best—and feel your best—when you are not at the mercy of emotional fluctuations.”
5. Social skills
Social skills run much deeper than simply being friendly. In his book, Goleman stresses the value of not only having the five abilities but putting them to use when interacting with others. Of all the five principles of emotional intelligence, none is more dependent on human interaction than social skills.
From your personal life to career networking, everything involves relationship-building. All your connections are positively impacted when you have a mastery of social skills, Manly says. They “help you tune into yourself and others in ways that foster personal and relational well-being,” and skills like connective communication translate to stronger and better relationships across the board.
“On a personal level, your self-esteem tends to strengthen when you communicate effectively,” Manly says, adding that it’s human nature to thrive when you feel seen and heard. “When your internal world and interpersonal relationships thrive due to strong emotional intelligence, you’ll naturally feel increased self-worth,” she says.
The future of emotional intelligence
Fast forward 30 years after Goleman’s book was released, and perceptions of what it means to be intelligent have drastically changed. In many ways, Goleman’s hope to view each other through a more feeling lens has materialized. The psychologist and author wrote that if emotional intelligence “were to become as widespread as IQ has become, and as ingrained in society as a measure of human qualities, then, I believe, our families, schools, jobs and communities would be all the more humane and nourishing.”
While there’s more work to do regarding incorporating the five pillars into daily life, the seeds of Goleman’s message continue to bloom. Perhaps what’s most encouraging about emotional intelligence is how teachable its principles are. Across the world, children are being taught social and emotional learning (SEL), which focuses on developing emotional intelligence in their formative years. SEL classes and learning opportunities are also available for adults.
When wisdom is valued from a human-centric point of view, it invites greater compassion and fosters overall well-being and work-life balance. Integrating Goleman’s teachings can help people of all stages of life become more attuned to their emotions and those of others, inviting profound opportunities for growth.
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